


Don't Let it Be Forgot, That Once There Was a Spot, for One Brief Shining Moment, That Was Known As Camelot

by Emrys MK (mk_malfoy)



Series: Merlin Episodes: AUs, Missing Scenes, and Inspired By [10]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arthur Finds Out About Merlin’s Magic (Merlin), Arthur Pendragon has to beg for Merlin's forgiveness, Canon Era, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Episode: s01e03 The Mark of Nimueh, Episode: s01e04 The Poisoned Chalice, First Kiss, First Time, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin Leaves Camelot (Merlin), Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), Miscommunication, Missing Scene, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), POV Alternating, Pining Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Pining Merlin (Merlin), Sad Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Sad Merlin (Merlin), Silly Boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:47:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23074975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_malfoy/pseuds/Emrys%20MK
Summary: Arthur thinks he is being clever in his endeavour to push away his new manservant, Merlin, who he has most unfortunately developed feelings for, but his plan has a major flaw and unexpected consequences. How far will he go to get what he’s lost back?
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merlin Episodes: AUs, Missing Scenes, and Inspired By [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/640559
Comments: 23
Kudos: 265
Collections: Merthur Glompfest 2020





	Don't Let it Be Forgot, That Once There Was a Spot, for One Brief Shining Moment, That Was Known As Camelot

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aranei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aranei/gifts).
  * In response to a prompt by [Aranei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aranei/pseuds/Aranei) in the [Merthur_Glompfest_2020](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Merthur_Glompfest_2020) collection. 



> Thanks so much to my beta, Katie!
> 
> Aranei, the angst-potential in your prompt was too good to pass up! I hope you like what I have come up with.
> 
> The title is a famous quote from the musical _Camelot_ , by Alan Jay Lerner.
> 
>  **Disclaimer** : Merlin characters are the property of Shine and BBC. No profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

_“Merlin, you are not here to ogle Morgana’s serving girl.”_

_“N-no. That’s no-” Merlin sputtered, confused. He’d merely been minding his business as he stood behind Arthur, awaiting his next _request_. He didn’t even know where Gwen was. _

_“You are here to serve me. Shall I call for Morris to take your place? If you are finding my requests too tedious, other arrangements can be made for you.”_

_“No, sire. That won’t be necessary. Sorry, sire. It will not happen again,” Merlin said nervously, no matter that he didn’t know what he had done to initiate this exchange._

_“See that it doesn’t. If you haven’t noticed, I am not the only one who has realised how useless you are these days. I do not know what you have done, but whatever it was has turned people against you.”_

_“But I haven’t done anything, sire. I try to be courteous and follow the rules.” Merlin chose not to add that being courteous in Camelot hadn’t exactly paid positive dividends for him. For his recent efforts, he had been sacked._

_Arthur laughed maniacally. “You? Follow the rules? You jest. When have you ever followed any rules? I don’t understand why my father puts up with your continued insolence. If it were up to me, I’d have you sent away with all the other idiots._ ”

Merlin’s eyes flew open in a panic. His nightshirt clung to his back, perspiration trickling down his neck, yet he found himself shivering uncontrollably. Where was he? He could only see a hint of light from the moon, but it was enough for him to sense that it was nearing dawn. Only then did he realise where he was.

Safe in his bed.

He closed his eyes and swallowed, attempting to calm himself, but the memories of the dream were too vivid. Arthur had been hateful (much more so than usual) to him for absolutely no reason, and Merlin hadn’t understood.

Unfortunately, now that he was awake, Merlin did understand. Arthur had been overly rude and snippety for the past two weeks, and any hint of good-natured teasing that had been a hallmark of their master-servant relationship up until that point was long gone, replaced with vitriol and indifference.

Merlin shuddered, wishing he could identify the moment it had all begun to fall apart, because once he determined that, he was hopeful he could figure out just what he’d done to incite such ire and prevent it from happening in the future.

The intensity of this anger from the prince had begun to escalate probably around the time _they_ killed the Afanc, but try as he may, Merlin could not fathom out what he had done to Arthur. He’d gone over their every interaction since and not a one raised any red flags.

That’s not to say that Merlin hadn’t nearly done, or said, something that would have had dire consequences for himself around that time. Thanks to a misunderstanding, he had thought Morgana somehow knew about his magic, when in fact all she knew, or thought she knew, was that he was interested in Gwen. Thank the gods that she had revealed what she thought she knew before an anxious and overly excited Merlin damned himself to death. 

But as far as he could tell, he hadn’t done or said anything to provoke this abhorrent behaviour in Prince Arthur.

But he had to have done something.

It was the only explanation for Arthur being so spiteful and vindictive with his words. And, the strange thing was that it wasn’t only Arthur’s attitude towards Merlin that had changed. Well, yes, he was the only one treating Merlin horribly, but several of the knights, who were usually courteous to Merlin and often stopped to share the latest juicy gossip with him, had been standoffish over the past several days, and Gwen could hardly look at him without making a strange face or turning to walk in the other direction. It was disconcerting and more than a little heartbreaking. The Lady Morgana, thank the gods, seemed the only one who wasn't treating Merlin any differently.

Perhaps Gwen’s change of demeanour was because of her near brush with death a few weeks earlier; had Merlin nearly been sent to the pyre he guessed he would have been badly shaken and that it might take a while to get over that. Whatever the cause, it still hurt, and Merlin didn’t like the turn their friendship had taken. But he guessed whatever that had come in between them would pass and they’d soon be back to normal. Or so he hoped.

Arthur, however, well, he was a beast of a different sort. The prince and Merlin were not friends and never would be. Yes, they had shared a few poignant moments, but that hardly meant the two were ready to go have a picnic together. Merlin was his servant. Nothing more, nothing less. It was just how it was and how it would always be.

Merlin had tried his best to ignore the taunts from Arthur and go about his daily tasks, but five days past, when a sulking Arthur berated him with every curse word known to man for daring to ruin his bathtime by pouring warm water into the lukewarm bath, Merlin’s seemingly limitless patience reached its limit. Merlin’s only intent had been to make Arthur more comfortable. How was he to have known that Arthur used the cooling water as an indication of the passage of time? Normally, the prince bathed at night, when he had nowhere to be.

Indignant and disappointed, Merlin had left the prince’s chambers without his leave, not caring that he left Arthur in the bath to fend for himself. 

The prince was an adult, after all; surely he could get out, dry off with the towel draped over the edge of the bath, dress himself, and get himself where he needed to be without the help of an _inept serving boy_.

Merlin had barrelled through the corridors, one thought on his mind: to leave Camelot. Arthur was unhappy with the manservant his father had given him, no one else seemed to want to speak to him these days, and there was the fact that Merlin had magic and the king had a zero tolerance policy when it came to all things sorcery. 

But...

In reality, Merlin had known that he would most likely never have the nerve to leave. Not when so many people depended on him. Damn the dragon and his talk about him and Prince Arthur! So, after calming down, Merlin had decided to forge ahead and do the best he could. After all, he was hopeful that whatever had come over Arthur would run its course soon enough. 

But sitting in his bed, trembling and on the verge of tears as he remembered the nightmare he'd just woken from, Merlin decided he’d had enough. He was tired of being patient and hoping everything would eventually work out. He needed to reclaim his life. And the sooner, the better. Perhaps he would be damned for life for leaving Arthur vulnerable, but a person shouldn’t have to put up with such abuse, should they? No, Merlin thought as he wiped his eyes. No, they definitely should not have to do that.

And, besides, Arthur was more than capable of defending himself.

A tear fell. And another.

Not much later, his few possessions packed, Merlin wiped his eyes dry and opened his door just enough to see if Gaius was awake. Normally, the court physician would have been up for hours by this time, preparing tinctures, potions, etc., for the upcoming day, but he had been up much later than usual the night before, once again trying to ascertain how all those people had died a fortnight past because of the tainted water. Yes, magic had been the source, but Gaius was convinced that science could explain the sickness and subsequent deaths, which would in turn help him come up with a way to prevent future deaths from the same source. Merlin wasn’t so sure about that, but like Arthur, Gaius was not going to listen to an immature serving boy.

Thankfully, Gaius was still asleep. Merlin let out his breath. Barring a disastrous occurrence (which was a definite possibility because when had anything ever happened the way Merlin wanted it to), Merlin would be able to make his exit without his guardian knowing. It saddened him to think he would never see Gaius again, but this was how it had to be.

Merlin yawned and lifted his bedroll as he looked around the tiny room he had called his own for the past several weeks. He sighed with more than a little regret. How was he to leave this warm, inviting space that had been given to him without question? Gaius had sacrificed his bedroom, for goodness sake. Merlin had protested, but his mother’s friend had told him the room was his and if he did not sleep in it, no one would. 

Merlin grinned at the memory.

How was he to leave Gaius and return home to tell his mother that Camelot was not the inviting, nurturing place she had thought it would be?

She had been excited and hopeful for her son to begin anew, away from Ealdor, where people were not as open to change and differences as they might be in a larger city. From the moment of his birth, Merlin’s mother’s hopes for him had been no different from any other mother’s, but unlike others, Hunith had borne a child of magic. Raising a child with magic in Ealdor had been a struggle for her without a husband, and being said child hadn't been any easier.

Even so, Merlin had initially railed against the change of address when his mother approached him about leaving Ealdor; he had not at all wanted to leave his mother and best friend, Will, but upon careful reflection, where he had reviewed his past and tried to think how the path ahead might unfold for him, he’d realised there wasn’t much of a future for him in the tiny village. There were many reasons for this, and oddly enough, the two main reasons had nothing to do with his magic.

Reason number one was that Merlin had never fit in with his fellow Ealdorians. They had treated him well enough in general, but his mother had been overly protective of him from day one, afraid that her son’s magic would reveal itself, and the result was that he spent most of his time with his mother and best friend. As a young child he had not gone outside and played with the other children, which meant that when everyone was older and there were parties and gatherings, Merlin was oftentimes not invited. Will had always been included -- he was popular with everyone because he had an affable personality that drew others to him -- but more times than not he had chosen not to go, deciding instead to play with his best friend. This had made Merlin feel wanted, but it had also made him feel bad because he had been keenly aware that he was keeping Will from having fun.

Which brought him to reason number two, which really was part of reason number one if he really thought about it: Will.

Merlin and Will had been joined at the hip from day one, and Merlin knew, without a doubt, that Will would die for him if it came to that (Merlin would do the same for Will), but not a year prior, some of the boys in the village had begun teasing Will and Merlin, saying crude things to them and insinuating that they were more than friends.

There was no truth to any of that, but after the accusations Merlin had begun to withdraw from Will, not wanting to make people dislike him.

These sound reasons backing his decision to leave Ealdor, Merlin had thought he was doing the best thing for everyone. Nevertheless, leaving his mother and Will had been more difficult than anything Merlin had ever done.

Until now.

Merlin had found acceptance, friendship, and understanding in Camelot; he had procured employment (or rather it had procured him in a strange and fortuitous way), and he had at long last found the father-figure he had sought for the whole of his life. It had been a wonderful few weeks, and Merlin couldn’t recall a time in his life when he had been happier. 

Camelot had been all that he had hoped it would be, at least in the beginning.

Yes, Prince Arthur had been a prat from the start, pompously entitled in almost every way, but Merlin had found that attribute a challenge. Merlin had never been above being a prat when the situation called for it (he could be every bit as cheeky as the prince, and had been on more than a few occasions), and he was proud of that fact. Never before had he felt so alive. It was strange, but there it was. He and Arthur spurred each other on. It was exhilarating.

Or it had been. It seemed the dream was over.

Then there was Gwen.

Gwen had, from the beginning, been a true friend to Merlin. He had always been able to talk to her about any-and-everything, and she almost always had an answer for him (even if it was a long and drawn out one, which took her a while to get out.) She was practical and sensible. Really, she was everything he could have asked for in a second best friend. And he had thought that’s what they had been. 

But a few nights earlier, when Merlin had asked her to accompany him to the servants feast that had been held after the main feast, she had politely declined. Her excuse had been a weak one, something about her not feeling well. Initially, Merlin had believed her, assuming, as he had over the past few days, that she was merely having issues related to being accused of being a sorcerer and almost being put to death, but Merlin was beginning to wonder if she had refused his invitation because Arthur was treating him so badly that no one wanted to associate with him. Yes, Merlin knew this probably wasn’t the real reason. Gwen wasn’t like that, and Merlin’s imagination was running rampant, but he had no other explanation. That is, unless Morgana’s strange comment, the one about him and Gwen she had made when Gwen was released from the cell once she was cleared of being the sorcerer had something to do with it. Maybe she was upset with him because he did not fancy her? But that was just ridiculous. Wasn’t it?

Yes, it was. Gwen and he were the best of friends. No matter that Morgana thought they had been together, they hadn’t been and never would be. Although, now that he thought about it, hadn’t Arthur said something to Merlin about Gwen in his dream? Was Merlin missing something? Could he maybe unconsciously like her? But he couldn’t. Or maybe he could, but he didn’t. Did he? Erm, the truth was that he had never been interested in a female before. He guessed there could be a first, but he really didn’t think so. He shook his head, ridding himself of the confusing thought. No, it was down to Arthur and his influence over the household staff.

He slowly opened the door wider and walked down the steps into Gaius’s workroom, careful not to make any unnecessary noise. If Gaius woke, Merlin would not be allowed to leave, and he was determined that he was leaving.

There was no other option.

**SEVERAL HOURS LATER**

Arthur groused a few unintelligible words as he stomped down the corridor and glared at anyone who dared look his way. Where was Merlin? He should have arrived for duty at sunup, but it was well past that, nearly time for morning training, and still no Merlin. Yes, he could be ill or something could have happened to him, but if that were the case, Gaius would have certainly sent someone to alert Arthur. So that begged the question: where was his manservant? Merlin, as inept as he was, had never not shown up for work.

“If you are with Gwen, I will have the both of you sent to the stocks,” he muttered beneath his breath. He remembered how pleased the two had looked the other day as they smiled at each other and shared private conversations with their eyes. It was sweet, but the thought of the two of them together was upsetting. Yes, they were perfect for one another – Arthur had to admit that, and even his father seemed to think that the two were together (or at least he had thought Gwen enchanted Merlin) – but the idea galled Arthur, had done so for the past fortnight, ever since the incident with Gwen’s father, Tom, the blacksmith. Merlin had been at her side more oft than not since. True, Arthur had probably helped that along with his accusing Gwen of being a sorcerer, but what else could he have done? The evidence had been seemingly incontrovertible. But he had been wrong. The culprit had been a creature called an afanc found in the water supply. Gwen had been set free, but the damage had been done and now Merlin was spending all his free time with her.

That fact should not have bothered Arthur, but it had and did, more with each passing day.

Morgana couldn’t stop talking about how adorable the two were, and even the knights were making comments about how Gwen hadn’t been sweet on anyone and then enter Merlin and she fell head over heels for him. They, as did almost everyone else, seemed happy for her. 

Arthur should share everyone’s happiness for them and encourage their relationship; Gwen had been a faithful employee of the royal household for years and had grown up with him and Morgana. She was as sweet as everyone said she was. Arthur truly did want the best for her. 

But why did she have to want Merlin?

Damn it, Arthur thought furiously. He had done a fair job so far of denying to himself and everyone else the fact that he was jealous -- but just maybe he needed to finally admit it. And no, it wasn’t Merlin he was jealous of. Yes, Gwen was lovely and would make someone a wonderful wife one day, but it was not she whom Arthur wanted.

Argh! Arthur loathed this. Why would he ever want Merlin? It made no sense.

Yet he did want Merlin. More than he had ever wanted anyone, and he didn’t understand. It had been less than a month since the boy had entered his life, and he was nothing at all that usually attracted Arthur. In fact, he was the opposite in almost every way. So then why… why was Arthur thinking about him every single day?

It was as disheartening as it was ludicrous to discover that he might harbour feelings for his serving boy, but he had implemented a plan to combat this, and if he wasn’t mistaken, it was already working. In recent days, Merlin had been much more reticent and less cheeky.

Arthur grinned, feeling quite pleased with himself, but as he made his way up the steps to Gaius’s workroom he made sure there was no evidence of happiness on his face. He was irate and needed Merlin to see that.

“Where is Merlin, Gaius? He knows I have training earlier than usual this morning,” Arthur said without invitation as he opened the door and stomped across the room before bolting up the steps to Merlin’s room. He saw out of his periphery Gaius looking at him, perplexed. Which, of course, he had every right to be.

Arthur felt somewhat contrite -- he was invading the court physician’s privacy. Yes, he had every right to do so; he was the prince and no one in Camelot was exempt from unwarranted visits from the ruling class -- but nevertheless, Arthur thought of Gaius as more of a mentor, one whom had helped the young prince through his formative years when his father was busy lording over his realm. Invading his privacy seemed wrong. No, it _was_ wrong. There was no doubt about that. But… this, well, it was important and Gaius would just have to understand.

Without knocking, Arthur opened the door and looked around. Other than the unmade bed, which Merlin was most definitely not in, the room was exceptionally neat, which it had not been the last time Arthur searched it. 

Either Merlin had decided to turn a leaf and be neat, or… Arthur shook his head, not wishing to think about the _or_. “If that oaf has gone to the Rising Sun or is with Gwen, he is sacked.” Arthur turned around and glared at Gaius.

“I have been up since sunup, sire, and Merlin has not come down those steps. I assumed he left for your chambers before I woke, as he has been doing so recently.”

Arthur swallowed. And panicked. Because even as he didn’t know… he knew. He knew that Merlin had left. Yes, his manservant could be with Gwen, but she was with Morgana now. She was always with Morgana this time of day. Despite his previous thoughts about she and Merlin in the tavern, he knew without a doubt that not even the prospect of a rendezvous with Merlin would tempt the good and virtuous Guinevere to shirk her duties. And Merlin, for all his faults, would never start his day with a pint. He was too perky in the mornings and took far too much delight in seeing Arthur’s grouchy face when he woke him. For him to not have taken the opportunity to do so this morning could only mean something was amiss.

And hadn’t Leon, his best friend since childhood and newly minted knight, said this could happen? That Merlin might leave Camelot altogether if Arthur continued his less than savoury treatment of him? Arthur had scoffed at the idea. Why would anyone choose to return to a ramshackle little village and have to struggle in the fields on a daily basis rather than live in the bustling citadel of Camelot?

But he had to admit that Leon had probably been right, and now he wished Leon were here so he could seek his counsel, but the knight had been sent off to do reconnaissance with a few of the senior knights and wasn’t due back for several months. Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose in consternation. 

What a fool he had been to think his brilliant plan to make his life easier would work. And what a fool he had been to think life would ever be the same after seeing Merlin for the first time.

Gaius cleared his throat, now looking worried as he watched Arthur, who was quite certain his face had lost all colour. Arthur tried to not appear as concerned as he felt, but he had never been one to hide his true feelings from Gaius. “I’ll find him, Gaius,” was all he could say.

“I will hold you to that, Arthur. If he has left Camelot, you must know it is down to your treatment of him, do you not?”

Arthur looked up towards the ceiling and closed his eyes for a second. Yes, yes, yes, he knew. He knew. He slowly lowered his gaze back to Gaius and let out a shaky breath as he nodded. Gods, how had Gaius known? He mouthed _sorry_ , then left, completely bereft as he tried to come up with a plan to find Merlin.

“What have you done to me?” he asked as he thought back to that first day the two had met. It seemed a lifetime ago and Arthur could scarcely recall what life pre-Merlin had been like.

It all started almost two fortnights past, on a fair spring day in the minutes before the sun met its zenith. Arthur had been minding his own business, on his way to check that the retinue from Mora would arrive on schedule. Normally, this would have been a task delegated to one of the Camelot guards, but Arthur had wanted an excuse to leave Camelot for a few hours, so a few falsehoods and sad faces later, there he was, cantering his way outside of the citadel. 

And this had been when he met Merlin, the most striking person he had ever seen in his life. The tall, slim man with blazing blue eyes and chiseled cheekbones that reminded Arthur of the ice sculpture Geoffrey of Monmouth had carved a few years back had glanced at him and grinned, but in a blink of an eye the moment was gone and the man was out of sight, on his way into Camelot.

Arthur remembered the feeling of sadness that had come over him at the thought that he would never again see the man. Visitors came into Camelot on a daily basis searching for work or handouts. They left as quickly as they appeared. This person would be no different.

It had been for the best. Arthur had not needed the distraction.

This being the state of things, of course the striking man had become Arthur’s manservant less than a week later. And not only that, but he had somehow managed to charm Arthur from the first moment they had officially met. Oh yes, Arthur had done his best to ignore Merlin and not pay him any attention, but it seemed the more he did that, the more Merlin pushed until he had wormed his way into Arthur’s life, heart, and soul.

“Why, Merlin?” Arthur whispered as he made his way to the stables. 

He was meant to be at training, but he had a Merlin to find. One of the senior knights would surely make an excuse for his absence. 

Minutes later he was on his horse, riding full speed out of Camelot. There was little doubt where Merlin was headed. He would be returning to the only home he had ever known.

“Damn it, Merlin,” Arthur said aloud, but what he was really doing was damning himself. He had pushed Merlin away on purpose, but he had never thought Merlin would leave Camelot. He had assumed Merlin would go to work for Gaius.

It had seemed like such a good idea at the time, especially when his father had somehow cottoned on to Arthur’s feelings for Merlin, even before Arthur had realised that he had feelings for his servant.

_“You know I have never interfered with whom you choose to take to your bed, Arthur. I am aware that you have needs. We all have needs, son. A servant is as good a bed warmer as anyone, but I fear you have more desires for this Merlin than merely a bed warmer would warrant. Take care that you keep him at a safe distance. You will soon become the official heir. One day you will wear the crown. In the near future, you will marry. It is your responsibility. Taking on casual lovers has never been frowned upon, even after marriage, but this, becoming attached to someone who can never be what you want him to be, will only cause you heartache in your life. I do not wish that for you. I want for you to adore your wife and to want to please her in all the ways that a wife deserves to be pleased. In return, she will do the same for you. But if she knows your heart belongs to another, she will never truly be yours. Please think about this before you make any decisions that could change the trajectory of your future.”_

Arthur had denied that he had any feelings for Merlin. He had scoffed at his father’s words and told him he was wrong. He had been embarrassed that the king would think such a thing. But, in the end, he wondered if his father had seen something his son hadn’t. Arthur didn’t think so, but as his father was constantly reminding him, Arthur was still young; he had more maturing to do. And hadn’t the king told him that the way Arthur looked at Merlin was the same way he had looked at his wife? Most everything else had not penetrated Arthur’s stubborn mind, but that particular comment had, and it had scared him.

And it had been the genesis of his plan to push Merlin away. 

It hadn’t been as difficult as Arthur thought it would be; he had, after all, always treated Merlin with an air of indifference, so all he had had to do was increase this and add a few more insults. Yes, at times he had felt bad when Merlin’s little eager face morphed into sadness, but this was for his own good, Arthur had reminded himself. 

Merlin didn’t deserve to become a bed warmer for a prince who would have to marry someone else and sire children. Merlin deserved to find someone whom he could be happy with forever.

But Arthur knew this treatment of Merlin really had nothing at all to do with what his servant deserved or didn’t deserve, and had everything to do with what he, himself, deserved. He deserved to be happy for the rest of his life with someone whom he could share his life with openly. 

Merlin was a threat to this.

So the only solution had been to push him away.

And he had done that.

Now, he could only hope there was a way to get Merlin back.

**SEVERAL HOURS LATER**

It was much too early to stop for the day, but Merlin was tired and depressed, so he had set up camp mid-afternoon and now sat by the fire, a rabbit roasting on the spit. He stared into the flames, unsure what to think as he wiped away the tears that he had finally allowed to fall.

This was so very unfair. For someone like Arthur Pendragon to actually have liked Merlin and to have allowed him into his life, even if only because he was an employee, had been such an important milestone for a peasant from Ealdor. Finally, he had felt as if he wasn’t a complete loser. But everything had changed. Just when he had felt at ease with his new position and thought this new life of his just might work, Arthur’s attitude had gone from questionable to downright mean, and Merlin’s bright future had dimmed and was dying before his eyes. For one brief shining moment, Merlin had dared to hope. But now that was all over. 

Camelot was over.

What had he done? He knew he had to have done something, but just what that was he had no idea. But what was done was done. And Merlin had left Camelot. It didn’t matter anymore. Arthur didn’t matter.

So why did Merlin care so much?

Oh, if only he could deny the reason.

“Thank the gods you thought to start a fire,” said a familiar voice from not too far away. “I would have never come this way since it is too early to stop for the day.”

Merlin did not turn his head to look at Arthur. What in the bloody hell was the prince doing here? Did he actually think he was making things better? Of course he would. Merlin rolled his eyes but was determined not to let Arthur know he knew he was there. Yes, this petulance was completely petty, but it was what Arthur deserved.

“Not speaking to me,” Arthur said before sighing. It was not a question. “Fine by me, but you gave Gaius a right fright, Merlin. The least you could have done was leave a note.” Arthur sat beside Merlin but said nothing more for several seconds. “So I finally managed to push you away?”

Merlin glared as he slowly turned to look at Arthur, wishing at that very moment to slap him, but that was wrong so he wouldn’t. But Arthur really did need to be slapped upside the head. “You did this on purpose.” 

“Erm, yes?” was Arthur’s hesitant answer.

Merlin was temporarily stunned silent, gobsmacked. He hadn’t at all expected that answer. “Why?” But did he really want to know? Not really, but as Arthur was here (erm, which begged the question… if he had purposely pushed Merlin away, then what in Hades was he doing here?)...

“It is complicated.” Arthur took a deep breath but said nothing more.

Merlin scoffed as he grabbed a blade of grass and pulled it from the dirt, studying it, decidedly not wanting to look at Arthur, even if the temptation was almost too much. “That’s all you have to say. You come after me, I expect to plead with me to return with you, and this is your explanation? Really, Arthur, you can do better than that.” 

“If you leave, my father will restore Morris as my manservant.”

“And? Sorry if I don’t cry for you over your sad state of affairs, sire.” Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Merlin,” Arthur whinged, “what do I need to do to get you back?”

Merlin had had enough. He stood and walked over to Arthur’s horse, found the brush, and began grooming his mane. He was not Arthur’s to get back. 

But he wanted to be. Damn it, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he did want to be Arthur’s. So much so that it hurt. But the way he wanted to be Arthur’s was not the way Arthur wanted him. And therein was the problem. 

Or one of them. 

Possibly the bigger problem was that Arthur had a penchant for treating his subordinates poorly -- it was, after all, the reason Merlin found himself travelling from Camelot to Ealdor -- but Merlin could not and would not deny that when all was said and done, he had an unfortunate attachment to the prat that would make parting ways with the prince so much harder. 

He took a few deep breaths and willed away the threatening tears. 

“I am sorry, Merlin. I know I have acted horribly. I have my reasons, but my treatment of you has been deplorable and there is no excuse for that. You know how I am. I don’t often think before I act. My father, as much as he says he does not think much of you, has told me on more than one occasion that he hopes you can be a positive influence on me.”

“Your father’s faith in me is heartwarming, really, it is,” Merlin said facetiously. “So, are you going to tell me why you have been such a complete arse to me these past few weeks? Because if not, I would like to be left alone so I can get on with my life, and I’m sure you need to get back to Camelot. You are needed there. You are not wanted here.” Merlin swallowed. This was a huge lie, but what else could he say?

“I-well, erm, I-” Arthur started but said nothing more. Merlin turned towards Arthur. This was becoming ridiculous.

“So if you won’t tell me why, then I will guess so we can get this over with and you can be on your way, _sire_ ,” Merlin said, unable to keep the frustration from his voice. “The Lady Morgana made you come after me; I imagine when she found out I was nowhere to be found, she figured out that I had left because of you. She is the only one I talked to about how I've been feeling. She didn’t have much to say, but she didn’t seem too happy with you. She actually laughed that sardonic laugh of hers, and when I asked why, she said I certainly had turned heads since arriving in Camelot. She followed that by saying you were blind when it came to me. When I asked her to explain, she chuckled and said he wasn’t the only one and that if I truly wanted an answer to that, I should ask you. But of course you were being an arse to me and now you seem to not want to give me a straight answer. But I’m asking. Do you know what in Hades she is talking about?” Merlin hoped so, and if Arthur’s squirming meant anything, perhaps he did.

“Damn it, Merlin, it means I don’t want to lose you,” Arthur finally said, more than a little exasperation in his voice. “Does that answer your question?”

At these words, Merlin set down the brush so he could give Arthur his full attention. He’d thought that no matter what Arthur told him, he would reply with something acerbic and cheeky, but he wouldn’t. Not when his breath had just been taken away from him with Arthur’s comment, and with the way that Arthur was looking at him, with such tenderness and openness. Yes, those words could mean so many things, but there was something in Arthur’s demeanour that told Merlin that just maybe the two were on the same page.

So, now the question for Merlin was: did he tell Arthur to go or did he pluck up the courage and say something that, if he didn’t, he would forever regret? Arthur had started this, so perhaps Merlin needed to finish it.

“I would ask you to explain what you mean, but I am not as dense as you might think,” Merlin said resolutely, his mind made up. “Instead, I will explain why I am leaving, but I don’t want to be interrupted. What I have to say isn’t easy. Once I have my say, you can speak.” He glared at Arthur and hoped he’d got his point across. He had much to say about how mean Arthur had been towards him recently. And then, depending on how Arthur responded, just maybe he would share his feelings. But that was a big maybe.

“Aye, aye, sire,” a serious Arthur replied, attempting (and failing miserably) to look serious.

Merlin ignored the facetious remark as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He picked up the brush again and pulled it through Arthur’s horse’s mane. Grooming the horses had always soothed him. He slowly let out his breath. 

“Is it my friendship you don’t wish to lose?” Merlin reopened his eyes, quite certain they reflected his shock -- he had not at all meant to ask that question. What had he done? But there was nothing for it, so he forged ahead and watched Arthur... as he nodded. He actually nodded. And Merlin swallowed. A few seconds later his hand squeezed the brush and he felt somewhat unsteady. “Is there more to it than that?” he then asked, wondering if this was really happening. Perhaps he was dreaming. Was he really asking Arthur these questions?

Again, Arthur nodded. 

Merlin let out an audible gasp, and at that very moment realised what Morgana had meant with her esoteric comments the other day. Gods, he really was dense, wasn't he? Will was forever teasing him that he could be oblivious. Merlin hadn't appreciated the name calling, but it did seem that, at least in this situation, he had been completely unaware. “Why couldn’t you have just told me you fancied me to begin with? I know who you are and who I am -- that is very clear -- but if you want to know what I think about those things, I don’t care at all. If you tell me that because of who you are and who I am, nothing can ever happen, then, well, I’ll be put out, but that would be that and we could carry on. I am not some baby who has to be coddled. I know how things work.” 

Merlin allowed a small smile as he awaited Arthur's response, but on the inside he was terrified. Maybe it would be best if he stopped whilst he was ahead, but now that he had started this he would not back down. Yes, later he would die of embarrassment at his boldness, but for now he would carry on. But when he focused on Arthur, wondering why he hadn't said anything, he noticed how pale the prince appeared. “Was that too much?”

This brought forth a chuckle from Arthur. “Anyone else, I would have interrupted long ago, Merlin, but I do find you quite adorable when you go on and on. But to answer your question, yes, that was a bit much to digest in one go. I rather thought you were about to give me a tongue lashing about how I’ve treated you, but instead you tell me this.”

“Erm, sorry?”

Arthur gave Merlin a knowing look that said he hadn’t been born yesterday. “No you’re not, but even if you were, there is no need for that. It is me who should apologize. I have treated you deplorably, but being around you and having these feelings and not being able to do anything about them, well, I couldn’t take it. It seemed the only solution was to push you away.”

Gods, Merlin thought. How sad the two of them must appear to any outsider who happened upon them. Here they were, two adult men, acting like immature children. Arthur had pushed Merlin away, Merlin had run away, and Arthur had come running after him. It was endearing, but it was so very upsetting that it had come to this.

“I should go back to Ealdor, Arthur. It would serve you right.” Merlin held his breath, wondering what Arthur’s response would be.

“Yes, you probably should.”

Merlin swallowed and nodded as he turned and looked out over the waning fire. He had known he and Arthur could never be together, but having Arthur confirm that was hurtful. But it was the reality they lived in. There was no place for a lovesick peasant boy in Camelot, pining over the prince, the same as there was no place in Camelot for a magic user.

And in that second Merlin decided that he might as well get it all out in the open. Why stop now? He blew out a deep breath and turned to face Arthur. “I need to tell you something that I should have told you long ago.” He was shaking uncontrollably and felt physically ill, but he would do this.

“That you cannot stop thinking about me and that you want me to make you mine forever?” Arthur said with more than a bit of cheek. 

Merlin rolled his eyes and didn’t dare answer that question. Instead he showed Arthur his empty palms before cupping them and uttering a few syllables and opening his palms to watch as a butterfly flew away. He then chanced a glance at Arthur, whose mouth was open. “Looks like I had two secrets to your one. Does that make me any worse than you in this situation?” Merlin asked, scared senseless. Of course he was playing with fire. His secret was indeed much worse as far as Camelot was concerned.

“You're a sorcerer?” Arthur looked awed, but not angry. “So you were telling the truth that day to my father?”

Merlin began to laugh, more because he was nervous and that's one of the things he did when nervous, but he stopped as soon as he began. This was not a laughing matter and he did not want to give Arthur the wrong idea. He nodded, understanding the seriousness of the situation. There was so much he wanted (needed) to say about recent events, but he decided that his confession about Gwen’s father could wait. There were more important things that needed discussing. “You pushing me away was wrong, but it was probably best you did. I never wanted to put you in the position of having to lie to cover my magic up, and I know you would have. You are too good not to do so.”

“So are you returning to Ealdor?” was all that Arthur said, seemingly crestfallen as he awaited the answer.

Merlin’s entire body deflated. Yes, he was delighted that the magic reveal had been anticlimactic -- he could have never envisaged that -- but now he had to face reality. He didn’t want to return to Ealdor, but he knew that was where he belonged. There was no place for him in a realm where magic was banned, and no matter what the great dragon had said, he did not belong by Arthur’s side. He would only put him in danger.

He nodded.

Arthur cleared his throat and turned his head as he wiped his eyes. “I guess it is for the best. My father would have you killed if he found out. I won’t try to talk you out of returning to your mother, but I do have a favour. King Bayard of Mercia is coming for an official visit and it promises to be a tense few days -- our kingdoms have been at war for as long as I can remember, but we are at long last attempting to establish peace between our people. My father wants this to be my entry into official royal life. I have been involved in the past, but in a much more minor role. Is there any way I can convince you to return with me for his visit? I need moral support, and as much as I goad you and tell you you are not good at what you do, I think you know better than to listen to what I say. I could really use your help, Merlin. You can leave as soon as he departs. I’ll come up with a sound reason for your leaving.”

Merlin should say no. He needed a clean break. This was his opportunity. But Arthur looked pained, and he was difficult (impossible was more like it) to refuse. “Just until Bayard leaves, but then I return to Ealdor and you will not try to stop me. Understood?” Merlin was trying to convince himself of this as much as Arthur.

Arthur nodded as he banked the fire. “I should go gather more wood and get another rabbit for dinner. If we left now and worked him hard, I have no doubt my horse would get us back before nightfall, but I would rather not do that, and I think you could use the time away. We will leave at first light.” He stood and began walking towards the woods but stopped when Merlin called his name.

“Arthur, all you had to do was have me reassigned to work for Gaius or do something else. Did you really think pushing me away would accomplish the same thing?”

Arthur turned to face Merlin. “I don’t know what I thought. I just wanted to stop feeling so lonely. I knew that you and I could never be together -- we never can be together -- but I thought you and Gwen were together and that made me feel even lonelier. I guess she and you are not together from what you have said, but the two of you have always been so close. And the two of you look like you belong together. I couldn’t stand it. I just wanted you to leave me so I didn’t have to see you every day, but I never wanted you to leave Camelot.”

“Me and Gwen? How did you come to that conclusion? She and I were only ever friends.” Merlin also wanted to add that yes, if Arthur really wanted to be with him, then they could be together, but he decided it was best he keep quiet. He had already received more than he had ever imagined -- the fact that Arthur was truly interested in him as more than friends was still completely shocking. To ask for more would be selfish. “You really thought she and I were together?” Merlin rolled his eyes.

“You really are blind, Merlin, aren’t you? I could be wrong; I have been known to be wrong on occasion, after all, but Gwen definitely fancies you. I would bet all the gold beneath my bed that she would love nothing more than to find herself in your bed. She is smitten with you, Merlin, and nothing you can say will change that. Obviously, she is in for a rude awakening, but mark my words, she is sweet on you.” 

Merlin doubted this -- it seemed ludicrous -- but he wasn’t letting Arthur off so easily. After what he had put Merlin through, he deserved to squirm. “I see her with you before me, Arthur, and we both know that will never happen. You really are an arse.” 

“Shut up and eat some rabbit. You look like you are about to blow away with the next wind. I’ll be back soon.”

Arthur returned sometime later with a couple of skinned rabbits and waved them in front of Merlin. “I should make you prepare these since I had to come looking for you, but I’ll be nice and do them myself.” Arthur looked entirely too proud of himself as he knelt before the fire and attached them to the now rabbit-less spit.

“You _had_ to come look for me,” Merlin deadpanned. “Yes, erm, well, I can see how that would be my fault. Seeing how I left because you pushed me away and then came running to me like a wounded puppy, pleading with me to return with you. Yes, yes, I definitely see how this is my fault.”

“Shut Up, Merlin,” Arthur said as he moved to sit next to him. “You talk entirely too much.” And with that he kissed Merlin and shocked him so much that he had no time to react. Then it was over and Arthur returned his attention to the spit, but he never took his eyes off Merlin, who was still unable to articulate so much as a sound. “We depart for Camelot in the morning,” he said matter-of-factly, as if he were speaking to his knights about an upcoming mission. “Once there, I return to the life I was born to live, protocol and all, and you return to life as my servant. But if you do not find my actions of recent times too abhorrent, perhaps tonight we can ignore protocol.”

Merlin blinked several times, certain he had imagined the kiss and that he had misheard Arthur's words, but he knew he hadn’t. He let out a deep breath and placed his hands on his legs as he glanced around him. Never mind that Arthur had probably just made the single most droll advance on someone in the history of man, Merlin did not want Arthur for merely one night. Was Arthur serious? Did he expect his manservant to be with him for one night and then go on as if nothing had happened? 

Almost everything in Merlin screamed no, and he was so very close to saying the word, but that tiny part of him that was not screaming no was whimpering yes, saying that this might be his only chance to be with Arthur, and wouldn’t it be better to have one night with him than to not have any?

Merlin couldn’t argue with that sound logic. 

He nodded.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Prompt:** Arthur is always calling Merlin an idiot and useless. Others are always overhearing this. Come a fest or some other occasion where Merlin is expected to invite a girl and none of them will have anything to do with him because no one wants to date anyone the Prince thinks is an idiot. Of course this makes Merlin feel bad. He then starts wondering who is only nice to him because they have to be. Turns out a number of people are laughing at him behind his back. It gets so bad that Merlin decides to leave Camelot. Turns out Arthur's been hiding his true feelings all along. So how does he get Merlin to stay? And how does he get the other castle inhabitants to be nice enough that he would stick around?


End file.
